Mental Health Awareness Week - Bob's story

For Mental Health Awareness Week, we spoke to Bob England, Group Operational Excellence Manager and Mental Health First Aider here at Marshalls. Bob shares his story, in his own words, about his journey with mental health struggles, the ways he's learnt to build resilience and what led him to become a valued Mental Health First Aider:

"I am Bob England, a mental health first aider. Like many of our MHFA’s, I have had periods of my life where levels of pressure from life situations have caused me great worry and on reflection affected me more than I ever realised at the time. Coming through those experiences has made me feel that if I could help others then I should. That’s how all MHFA’s feel.

What I have realised is that I have developed what I call resilience. A means to cope when I recognise that something is affecting me.

All people are different though and my story is just how I managed my own understanding and coping mechanisms. I am in my 60’s now so for much of my life “mental health” wasn’t really on the map. Help and understanding is there now and even if it did exist at times I needed it, it would have been very hard to find.

The first thing that I want to do here is explain what my understanding of mental health is. That isn’t from a text book, but the easiest way that I can explain it to others.

It is times when I have prolonged thoughts about a situation. Call it worry. Its more than that though, adverse mental health is when those thoughts start to effect my behaviours. I sleep less because I am thinking all the time. I become more introverted. I drink more alcohol than I normally would. I can be irritable and angry and then remorseful. I simply can’t turn my brain off from the subject that is causing me worry. I am on a descending slope towards depression.

Sure, there are diagnosed specific mental health diagnosis’s that require the help of professionals and some of those start with the same symptoms I have. But most commonly adverse mental health is what I have described. I bet you can identify a time when you had adverse mental health. A bereavement, a divorce, moving house, having specific problems within your private family, loss of a pet, work pressure, debt……..the list goes on.

I unintentionally taught myself resilience and want to share that story with you. I have experienced life traumas myself. When some of these happened, I felt embarrassed, sometimes ashamed, sometimes my behaviours have been extreme. I know now something that I did was wrong. I bottled it up, I kept secrets even from those closest to me. And now many colleagues know me and would describe me as always happy, a nice guy, a bit obsessive at times, but trustworthy and committed. I am the most content person that I know by the way. I followed a journey.

That journey for you may start with a conversation with an empathetic MHFA.

Here are the coping mechanisms that I found and now recognise and still use. Every time I have adverse mental health, I know that I need to do some deep thinking. I need to understand and I need to have a plan. Not a detailed plan, just the first step sometimes. To be able to get that time, I need to be alone and I choose to go for a long walk. I like a rural location as a preference. Nature is calming, you see things that you don’t expect, its actually a distraction from your worry, but I know that is only temporary. I choose to walk a lot as a life habit now because I understand it is one thing that I do that helps my mental health and keeps me fit.

When I am walking, I have no distractions, I am free to think. What shall I do? What are my options? Which option is best for me? What might be a problem on my option journey? I don’t have all the answers, so I decide that I just need a first step. Something that I can do and know that I am doing something about the situation I have. One identified step is enough. That’s my goal and that’s what I am going to do. When I’ve done it, I might walk again.

From many miles walked when I am in better mental health, I have thought about and identified what sort of situations affect me, which of my behaviours change, what can I do when I realise. I will drink less alcohol, I may deeply involve myself in a passion. I’ve taught myself meditation because it helps me get off to sleep, I have sought learning about the situation I am in.

The outcome and where I am on my own journey, is that I have set myself a few life rules. Call them lessons learned, things that I choose to do differently because I might have got things wrong in the past.
 

 

• Be honest with yourself, no excuses, accept at times I am wrong, I give myself the right to be wrong without punishing myself.
• Thank people that do something for me, but do it sincerely. When I thank you, I hope you see how much I appreciate you, more than a verbal “thanks”.
• I say what I think, I am not bottling anything up anymore, but find the right way to say it. Kindness overrules blunt cruelty. My rule though is that I have to speak up or I’ll worry again.
• Important people in my life know that I love them, because I tell them all the time.
• I can’t walk past someone that needs help. That gives me regret and I’m not doing that. If you do know me, you know I always help if you ask.

 

These rules are my blessings. Whatever life situations that I may have endured taught me about myself. Therefore I became resilient. I know what symptoms trigger me. I know some common things to do that will benefit me. I see clearly the patterns regardless of the situation. And I choose to be positive, to be happy because it’s a better state of mind for me. I feel that I can cope with whatever life next throws at me because I have been in despair a number of times and I’ve survived them.

If my story is making you think about your own life, good ! That’s why I am sharing this. It might help you now, it might make you identify your own triggers and coping mechanisms. Things that you should do and things that you shouldn’t do. That will develop your resilience.

But when you look for a first step and what is different now for you, is that you can reach out to a MHFA and have the first conversation. When you do, expect empathy, expect them to support you, expect them to continue to check up on you, but guide your though information or sources of help. They have been where you are regardless of a specific situation. They will be entirely confidential.

Being a MHFA is something that I am very proud of. I’ve had some amazing conversations with people that have reached out to me. That feels rewarding, but it completes the circle for me too. I’ve been in despair and I don’t want anyone to feel lost if they reach out to me. I can’t solve the problem and that’s why I am only a first aider and not a specialist, but I know that I have made a difference. Any of the MHFA’s would say just what I am saying. They are a special bunch of people. Sure they have received some formal training to perform the role, but empathy isn’t taught its grown from personal adversity and they have it in spades.

My best wishes to you now, I hope this has made you think. I hope it has made you more aware of how common mental health adversity is.  Be resilient and ask for help."

Thank you Bob for sharing your story.